8 Tips For Networking In the Real World

Everyone knows the benefits of networking, but knowing something and doing it aren’t always the same thing.  I’ve had to drag colleagues, friends and my husband to networking events and I’ve been dragged to a few myself. The time before the event is generally the worst part.  That’s the period when you come up with a bunch of terrific excuses for not going. The anticipation of doing something that may not feel natural can take on huge proportions. You can reduce some of that stress by setting a few simple goals for yourself.  Decide that you will meet two or three new people. You can promise to hand out at least one business card. Once you get going you’ll probably find it’s not as hard as you thought.  Keep in mind that there is a good possibility that the other people at the event are either anticipating meeting someone new or as anxious about the process as you are.

The following tips are intended to help you ease your way into working a room and having good conversations. Remember, this is not all about you and don’t forget your business cards.

1)      Find the loners.

So you show up at an event alone and you’ve promised yourself you’re going to work the room…where to start? Look for someone who’s also on their own. Chances are they want someone to talk to as well.  It’s way easier to chat with someone on their own than trying to elbow your way into a group deep in discussion.

 2)      Talk to the big shots.

Talk to the big wigs in the room. No, I’m not suggesting you’re a snob, but powerful or popular people are used to people wanting to talk them and many know how to make that small talk that opens up larger conversations.  Chances are, most people will be too intimidated to approach them. If there is a guest speaker, talk to them before they speak or speak to the host or moderator.  Afterwards, they will most likely be swamped.

3)      Ask a simple question to get started.

Starting a conversation is as easy as asking a simple question or paying a compliment.  The idea here is not to demonstrate the depths of your knowledge.  This is also not an elevator pitch where you have a timer on engagement. This is simply about getting a conversation going and not freaking yourself out in the process. Consider the following:

  • “What brings you to this event?”
  • “Have you attended one of these events before?”
  • “What are you looking forward to?”
  • “Have you tried the meatballs?”
  • “That’s a beautiful tie.”
  • “What a lovely dress.”
  • “It’s hot in here isn’t it?”

4)      Ask about what they do.

Once you are warmed up, now’s the time to ask intelligent questions so you can get a good conversation started, but don’t be shy about starting with the basics. What do they do? What projects are they working on? What do they like about what they do? Let them know you are really interested in what they are saying. In order to ask intelligent questions specific to them, you actually have to be paying attention.

5)       Ask about them.

Take the time required to learn a little about the person.  What are their hobbies?  Who are their family members? Do they have kids? Get to know the human being you are speaking to not just their name and job.

6)       Do be quiet and stop talking.

No really, the fastest way to a good conversation is letting the other person talk, preferably about themselves. Letting them talk is about more than staying silent and staring into space. It’s about actively listening to them. Periodically confirm that you have heard by nodding or in some other subtle way letting them know that you are following along.

Mimic the movements of the person you are speaking to. Sit forward when they do and step back when they step back.  By following their physical behaviour you will pick up clues about what they are thinking or feeling about the conversation. Take a look at the tips found in “Rather Have A Conversation Or A Meeting?”  for additional ideas.

7)       Don’t drone.

The sound of boredom is distinct, unmistakable actually, so be careful to monitor your tone. When it’s your turn to speak make sure you sound interested, engaged and positive. If you sound bored or irritated, the conversation will quickly come to an end. Also don’t go on and on about you. Don’t hesitate to show your passion, but allow the other person to show theirs too.

The secret to a good conversation is showing respect for the people you are engaging. Looking over their shoulder for the next person you are going to talk to or looking repeatedly at your watch is not showing respect. If you find yourself with a cling-on, that person who has chosen you as their companion for the evening, even if you have other plans, make an excuse and walk away.  You can try saying you have to use the facilities or that you promised “your husband, babysitter, boss…insert plausible person here” that you would call.

8) Don’t let the event be your first and last point of contact.

After going to the trouble of making the most of the event, follow up with the connections you make.  Connect on LinkedIn, send an article related to the conversation you were having.  Invite your new contact out for coffee or lunch.

Do you have any good tips for networking? What do you do to prepare for a networking event?

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Does Being A Lefty Or A Righty Make You A Better Boss?

Cover of "A Whole New Mind: Moving from t...
Cover via Amazon

Are you a right brain thinker or do you use your left brain? Which do you think makes you a better leader? My book club is currently reading Daniel H. Pink’s book, “A Whole New Mind”.  The book explores the strengths and skills of leadership from the perspective of left and right brain skills. It looks at what was needed in the past to be a successful leader and what is needed now.  To date, our leaders have leaned towards left-brain thinkers.  MBAs and lawyers who could crunch numbers and construct contracts, but he argues that the time is right for new kind of leader. Those of a more creative bend, those capable of recognizing patterns, telling stories and a generally more inventive frame of mind.

Pink suggests that in times of abundance humans begin to look for more meaningful ways of defining success. The basic premise is that that if you are living in a time of abundance (which many of us are in North America and Europe) then you start to wonder about different things. You start to aspire to achieve more emotionally complex goals. In essence, you move up Maslow’s hierarchy of needs to focus on self-actualization and start to think about other, more emotionally charged means of reaching satisfaction, success or happiness…depends on your personal target.

2000px-maslows_hierarchy_of_needs-svgI might have scoffed at that thinking a little, but I just spent the last two weeks reading a variety of blogs about finding happiness, managing emotional vampires and getting past the “aaaarrgggghhh” moments in our lives.  It seems Daniel Pink might have a point about where we are in our economic and emotional development. Our definition of what defines success seems to have become more complex.  Simply having a job or even achieving monetary success is no longer enough.  We need to have a deep-rooted satisfaction with the work we do.  The blossoming blogosphere, the emergence of countless freelancers, our praise of entrepreneurial spirit, our insistence on visionary leadership and an emerging interest in working from home all speak to a desire to lead more independent and satisfying lives.  We’re looking for control and to be part of something better.

Could Daniel Pink be right about which side of the brain will make for a more effective leader in today’s environment? Do we need bosses who know how to be responsive to our more complex emotional demands? Leaders, who can think outside of the box, be holistic and intuitive because not only is it what workers are looking for, but may also be what the work we do increasingly requires.

The use of automation and less costly workers means that jobs in the first world are more complex and require a different level of thinking.  Couple that with our preoccupation with self-actualization and it makes sense that we need a different kind of leader…or does it?

In discussion with Jen Hunter, a management expert and facilitator she responded in this way when asked what her thoughts were, “Would you go to the gym and only exercise one side of your body? Unlikely, so why would you want leaders who only used one side of their brain? It doesn’t matter which half, it matters that they only use half.”

That assessment makes sense to me, but beyond that comes the big elephant in the room, the brain function itself.  While we often hear about the two sides of the brain as having distinctly different functions, they are not quite that easily defined. Much more research is still required.  So for the sake of this conversation lets simply consider that the skills we have traditionally seen as strengths for our leaders may be changing.

What do you think?  Do you think we need more right brain leadership?  Do left-brain thinkers still make for better leaders? Is the whole conversation of what drives us even relevant? Are we solving more complex problems in our jobs? Are we aspiring to more complex goals?

Want to test which side you use? Follow the 3rd link to, “Instant Personality Test”, it’s quick though I can’t speak to its accuracy.

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